Tell Me About It: My mother thinks my older boyfriend is wrong for me

Tell Me About It: My mother thinks my older boyfriend is wrong for me
She doesn’t like him because he says he will never get married and have children, and he made this clear to me from the start
Tue, Apr 1, 2014, Irish Times – Kathryn Holmquist

Q My boyfriend and I are totally in love and share everything in common, from our careers to our hobbies and tastes. He’s my soul mate, and life is good. We moved in together a year ago and have a good lifestyle, but due to his work he has moved to London. I’ve been travelling there at weekends, which can be exhausting. He wants me to move to London and realistically I could find work there.
My problem is that my mother disapproves and after a few arguments, an icy silence has descended where we used to be so close, so I think she’s afraid of me leaving her. She says that, because my boyfriend is 15 years older (I’m in my late 20s), I should leave more time before I make a commitment. The real reason she doesn’t like him is that he says he will never get married and have children and made this clear to me from the start. She says this is selfish and I’ll regret it later. I wish I had never shared this with her.
My parents split when I was small, and my mother blames herself. She says I’m looking for a father figure, which is ridiculous . If my mother weren’t pushing the marriage and babies issue, I wouldn’t be thinking about it. Who knows what will happen? We could change our minds about children one day. How do I reconcile with her while also getting her to butt out of my life?

A

Original post: Family Therapy Association of Ireland