Want sex and intimacy? You need courage and honesty

Broadside: Loss of sexual desire after the early stages can prove difficult to fix

Mon, Sep 19, 2016, , Irish Times

Trish Murphy

Perhaps sex is another area of our lives that we have to excel in and we are too exhausted or too fearful of recrimination to engage with it.

New reports from the US, the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, suggest that those born in the 1980s and 1990s are having less sex than those born in the 1960s. The fact that sex is happening less than ever, even while online dating apps such as Tinder are so widespread, is a strange dichotomy.

Some theories suggest that stress, lack of time and technology are all having an impact on our intimate lives. The growing usage of porn is influencing our expectations of sex and it is arguable that performance has become the focus rather than pleasure or fun. Perhaps sex is another area of our lives that we have to excel in and we are too exhausted or too fearful of recrimination to engage with it.

Another aspect is that much satisfaction is achieved via a screen and the trouble and trauma that might be involved in engaging another human can result in procrastination or avoidance. One half of a couple can go to bed and the other go online. They can argue that they are not causing their partner any bother, but the impact can be similar to an affair: betrayal, questioning of attractiveness and some level of deceit. Intimacy requires that we are honest with each other, face up to the issues underlying our relationships and that we like the other person enough to let them really know what is going on.

Many couples do not have sex, and loss of desire following the early initial …read more

Original post: Family Therapy Association of Ireland