I love you, you’re perfect, now change


I love you, you’re perfect, now change


It’s that time of year when that rosy-cheeked, potbellied, bow strung Valentine’s cherub reappears. As you weave your way through heaving Hallmark stands I invite you to consider the question raised by the old tunesmith: ‘what is that thing called love?’ There are few things harder to prove than what love is but we sure know what it is when we feel it… or do we?

The title of this opinion piece is taken from a play that ran about 15 years ago in the now defunct Andrews Lane theatre. My wife Ruth and I went to see this comedy and the one thing that remained with us was the title. It has become a get-out-of-jail card in our relationship when we hit a speed bump. Some of you may find, like we have (and others whom I have shared this idea with in my work as a family therapist) that this can be quite a life saver. It helps to offer relief when you are dangerously digging a bigger hole through saying or doing something which you may regret when the dust settles.

In these moments of relationship ‘farce’, Ruth or I will often play our ace. One of us will operatically sing with exaggerated feeling ‘I love you your perfect now change!’ The person being serenaded usually starts to laugh and certainly begins to take themselves a little less seriously. Once humour starts to flow the issue begins to shrink.

I would like to offer some ideas which have the capacity to turn your relationship world upside down. Henning Mankell said that ‘sometimes the truth needs to be turned on its head to see its correct structure’. Surrounded by so many half baked notions is it any wonder (like the band Foreigner) we …read more

Original post: Family Therapy Association of Ireland