What Kind Of Emotional Impact Are You Seeing With People During This Pandemic? 

Some people are feeling overwhelmed (lonely, abandoned, fearful, confused, panicked, trapped, resentful, angry, frustrated, sad, hopeless, numb), while others are bottling up their feelings. Some people are enjoying having more time to themselves, while others wonder where time has gone. Some people feel a crushing responsibility to take care of relatives and friends, while others wish someone would notice that they’re suffering and need a hand. Some people feel like life will never be the same again, while others are eager to get back out there. Many people feel a mixture of the above.

How Is Psychotherapy Helping? 

Psychotherapy gives you time to figure out how to deal with whatever is stressing you out, bothering or distressing you. It keeps a space open for all of you – the aspects you like about yourself and the bits you wish you could get rid of it.  It provides an opportunity to get to know yourself in ways that might surprise you. Psychotherapists are trained to facilitate you doing this confidentially, safely, and at your own pace.

What Might You Say To People Who Are Struggling? 

You are not alone in feeling as you do. Many people are struggling at the moment, and feeling alone in that struggle. Try to access emotional support from people around you, if you can. You’d be surprised how a coffee or lunch via Skype or Zoom (both of which are free to download) can lift your mood. Seeing someone else drinking their coffee or eating their lunch as you both talk, even if it is on a screen, can make a difference to how you’re feeling. Cultural experiences also provide comfort and hope when we’re feeling low and like no-one understands what we’re going through. Connecting with a song, a character in a film or book, a piece of art, or the lines in a poem can bring us back to ourselves and help us to keep going, when we feel like giving up.

Noreen Giffney BA Hons, PhD, MSc, Clin Dip is a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist in County Donegal and a Lecturer in Counselling at Ulster University in County Antrim.

Member: IFPP, NIIHR, ICP, UKCP, CPJA

Email: noreengiffney@nullpsychoanalyticpsychotherapyclinic.ie

Website: www.psychoanalyticpsychotherapyclinic.ie

Background

Some ICP registrants were asked three questions regarding the Covid-19 crisis. These three identical questions and analogous answers will be posted weekly on the ICP blog and disseminated across the social media channels – Facebook; Twitter; LinkedIn. The purpose of this Q & A is to demonstrate the psychotherapeutic experience during the coronavirus pandemic. The responses are personal to the psychotherapists’ practice and relatable to their fellow psychotherapists. This Q & A presents real life experiences of those in the mental health field.

Every psychotherapist registered with ICP is invited to engage in the programme. If you are an ICP registrant interested in making a contribution, please email your answers / contact details to admin@nullpsychotherapycouncil.ie

What Kind Of Emotional Impact Are You Seeing With People During This Pandemic?

The emotional impact can be very mixed, there is anxiety, stress and shock about how fast everything has changed. There is also a lot of grief including anticipatory grief.  Fear of uncertainty.

How Is Psychotherapy Helping?

Psychotherapy is helping by being available to people online now.  It offers a space to talk, share your worries & concerns, help you to understand, resource and support yourself during this time.  It helps to talk & connect.

What Might You Say To People Who Are Struggling?

Self-care is paramount, keep a good structure to your day. Be patient and kind to yourself and others.  Remember this crisis will come to an end too, what things can you learn about yourself going through this, what are your strengths, be compassionate to yourself in your struggles, what helps and what are you grateful for.

Anne Burke

Anne is a fully qualified and accredited psychotherapist and supervisor; she works in The Johnstown Therapy Centre, Dún Laoghaire.

Member: ICP, IAHIP, IACP, MACAP

Mobile: 086 240 0329

Email: Anneb@nulljohnstowntherapy.com

Website: www.johnstowntherapy.com

Background

Some ICP registrants were asked three questions regarding the Covid-19 crisis. These three identical questions and analogous answers will be posted weekly on the ICP blog and disseminated across the social media channels – Facebook; Twitter; LinkedIn. The purpose of this Q & A is to demonstrate the psychotherapeutic experience during the coronavirus pandemic. The responses are personal to the psychotherapists’ practice and relatable to their fellow psychotherapists. This Q & A presents real life experiences of those in the mental health field.

Every psychotherapist registered with ICP is invited to engage in the programme. If you are an ICP registrant interested in making a contribution, please email your answers / contact details to admin@nullpsychotherapycouncil.ie

What kind of emotional impact are you seeing with people during this pandemic?

Increased levels of anxiety, fear, frustration and loneliness. Empathy and gratitude are increasing in some people, however, but the emotional impact seems to vary from day-to-day (‘comes in waves’).

How is psychotherapy helping?

It’s a source of emotional support and connection that provides the opportunity to ‘offload’ in a confidential space, while exploring ways to handle the challenges and potential opportunities of these new life circumstances.

What might you say to people who are struggling?

It’s entirely appropriate to be struggling right now, so be open and proactive around seeking support. We can’t change the bigger picture, but it’s worth exploring ways of changing your thinking/behaviour that may help you to get more out of each day.

Richie Sadlier

Member: IAHIP

Email: rtsadlier@nullgmail.com

Website: www.treehousepractice.ie/new-page-1

Background

Some ICP registrants were asked three questions regarding the Covid-19 crisis. These three identical questions and analogous answers will be posted weekly on the ICP blog and disseminated across the social media channels – Facebook; Twitter; LinkedIn. The purpose of this Q & A is to demonstrate the psychotherapeutic experience during the coronavirus pandemic. The responses are personal to the psychotherapists’ practice and relatable to their fellow psychotherapists. This Q & A presents real life experiences of those in the mental health field.

Every psychotherapist registered with ICP is invited to engage in the programme. If you are an ICP registrant interested in making a contribution, please email your answers / contact details to admin@nullpsychotherapycouncil.ie

by Trish Murphy

We develop many boundaries as we engage with the world and by the time we are in our late teens, these are often hardened and solid. We do not want the world to find out that we are needy so we create an exterior that says that we don’t care or we can’t be hurt. Sometimes this boundary is developed through childhoods that are full of difficulties such as bullying in schools to family difficulties or external adversities, but they are built to protect us from being hurt or discovered to be other that what we are putting out to the world.But in our teens, desire develops and it challenges these boundaries to a huge extent: the romantic desire to know someone, to be known entirely plus the sexual desire to reach out and touch another delicious human being.

Of course the rise of these desires can be terrifying because it means breaking down our barriers and all our fears of rejection and pubic shame come to the fore. But without allowing desire to take its course, we might never take the risk of opening up and thus never discover the terror and joy of letting someone under our skin. It does not always work out as desire can also cloud our intuition and our usual good judgement can be hampered by applying wonderful characteristics on our object of desire when they do not actually exist. The lesson is to take the risk, fail and try again until our judgement finally clicks with our sense of attraction. To learn to fail and not be daunted by it is a core factor of wisdom and confidence and this is worth cultivating. But do we allow our barriers and boarders to be demolished or do we find ever ingenious ways of keeping them up while appearing to be open and self-confident?

But do we allow our barriers and boarders to be demolished or do we find ever ingenious ways of keeping them up while appearing to be open and self-confident?

Porn allows for desire to be satiated without ever taking a risk. Multiple partners or casual sex can be a method of keeping any actual intimacy at bay. Bad past experiences can lead us to decide never to drop our boundaries again and we put intimacy and risk on the long finger. Often, it is only when the pain of extreme loneliness kicks in that we are willing to challenge our safety by seeking to connect with another human being.

We are all born fearless, confident and open and these natural qualities get covered over by fears, comparisons, self-criticisms and harsh comments from others.

We are all born fearless, confident and open and these natural qualities get covered over by fears, comparisons, self-criticisms and harsh comments from others. Our job is to take the risk of letting go these blocks and discovering that what is then uncovered is our natural selves. It is through our vulnerability that we actually discover the joy of getting close to someone and the pleasure to be found in intimacy. In fact, it is often through our lovers’ hands that we discover our true boundaries and outlines and it is worth letting down our barriers to experience this freedom. It may be that we have to take this risk many times but as we chip away at our defenses, we become lighter and better able to choose what is best for you.

Borders Boundaries & Mental Health is the theme of the 2018 conference. More information is available here.

Do you know anyone who gets under your skin, that you’d love to just avoid, but can’t? Feel like you just want to shake them, get them to understand that what they’re doing isn’t right? Get them around to your point of view? It’s often people you didn’t pick for yourself, but somehow got landed with by the circumstances of life – family members, flatmates, lovers, work colleagues.
With Christmas coming up, many people dread encountering the difficult people in our families, but it could equally be a friend or flatmate that circumstances force us to spend more time with. You might normally cope with them by avoiding their company, but suddenly the holidays, your upcoming thesis submission, or the advent of an ex-hurricane puts you in the same place for an extended period of time.

Most of us fall into the trap of thinking we can get the difficult people in our lives to change, and then we’d all get along. If only they’d stop being… them, and be more like us!

The truth is: The only person you can change is yourself. Frustrating as that is, reaching this realisation increases your chances of success.

Quite often, we mentally prepare to spend time with our difficult people by remembering all the bad times we spent with them, and reassuring ourselves that they are the cause of our frustration. Because of this, we exude disapproval, criticism and resentment when we’re around them. Understandable as those feelings are, it doesn’t exactly help our interactions with them that we’re going in armed to the teeth with rejecting anger.

If you think about it, it makes complete sense: Coating your irritation with a transparent veneer of fake niceness and a dangerously thin sheet of patience is hardly conducive to a good time. They sense your resentment, and become even more rigid and defensive.
However, there is hope!  It just requires a lot of maturity and a healthy dose of self-soothing (and possibly a few gingerbread cookies):

You might have to admit to yourself that while the other person doesn’t behave ideally, they are not responsible for your negative feelings.

They are just different than you. They go against the rules you have set up for how it’s acceptable to be in the world, and they don’t live up to your expectations. It’s important to realise that to them, the world may look vastly different than it does to you. With other goals, dangers, and rules than the ones you enter their presence with. Your way MAY be better, but you can’t force it on others.

Instead of reacting, take a deep breath and a candy cane. Detaching yourself emotionally from the situation, and watching it from above, you might see what’s happening, and disagree with it. But you can decide not rise to the occasion, or take to heart every abrasive thing they say or do.

That does NOT mean allowing all kinds of rude and unacceptable behaviour from them, but it does mean dealing with it in a calm and collected way: You need to leave the other person with the consequences of their behaviour, and not take it personally or try to sort it out.

Too often we end up suffering more from our own angry and outraged responses than from the direct impact of the rude or obnoxious behaviour of others. Your mind is your own, and you don’t have to take their prompts to go down the route of ruminating on past transgressions or imagining future run-ins.
The way to manage your own feelings is to accept completely what is in front of you – your family member, flatmate or friend/partner is behaving badly. That’s not good, but neither is it necessarily a disaster. It’s inconvenient and unpleasant. But you can survive it. You are (hopefully!) with them for a limited period of time, and they are the way they are. Ideally, they wouldn’t be this way, but a lot of things in the world aren’t quite right. It’s not your job to fix it, or to fight against reality.

Once you accept the facts, and stop engaging with your inner judgement about the situation (“they shouldn’t act this way”/”how dare they”/”it can’t be right that I have to deal with them”), you are freed up to use your intelligence to decide how you want to handle the situation.

You can decide to just think “that’s unfortunate. How can I make the most of this situation?” Is there anything they have or do that’s useful or interesting for you? In the case of family, maybe they’ve cooked a nice dinner, or remember interesting family stories.  They don’t get to ruin your Christmas – but stepping back and protecting your own space of mind is your responsibility. And it will make you a stronger person in the long run.

Remember as a kid, having to wait to open your presents, and just itching to run down the stairs before it was time? Holding back from reacting to difficult people is the same. When you’ve coped with your share of difficult people over the holidays, don’t forget to reward yourself for your efforts with some good company and Christmas cheer!

And remember: Emotional maturity is hard-earned, but highly valuable. It might be your gift to yourself this year.